Fetus vs. Baby
Looking at the debate from a different angle

The following is the testimony of:
Yvonne Florczak-Seeman
President/ Founder
Love From Above, Inc.

It was on my fifth abortion when the slogan of "Choice" became suspicious to me. I was in complete denial. Eight weeks turned into nine weeks, and nine turned into ten. Then, a few weeks later, I finally went to the clinic. I was very familiar with the routine. I went into the locker room, I undressed, and I went to sit on a bench with fifteen to twenty other girls/women who were waiting for their number to be called.

But this time was different. My number was called and (like all the others waiting) I wiped away the tears and followed the nurse. She told me to lie down because we didn't have much time. A man came in and started the procedure. (I assumed he was the doctor; however, he never introduced himself nor did he address me.) The pain was like never before so I told him to stop, but he got very angry and said with a very loud voice, "This is a second term, gestation 13 or 14! We need more money!" Then he got up and walked out of the room.

I asked the nurse what was happening. She said, "Do you have more money?" and asked me if someone was waiting for me. I told her that my boyfriend was waiting for me. She called him back and talked with him to see if he could get more money. He left, got the money, and came right back. As soon as he paid the additional $150.00 she came into the room and told me to put my feet up. The man promptly returned to the room and began a different procedure. With this procedure he used some bigger instruments including a stronger/louder vacuum with a bigger hose. As soon as he turned on the vacuum I cried out, "Please, stop! I have changed my mind!" He said, "It's too late now. Just lay back and don't move because you will hurt yourself." The tone of his voice was very cold and very clear. When he finished he told the nurse to hurry up and clear the mess so they could begin the next procedure. After my procedure I left the clinic convinced that I had survived the inconceivable, and I made an oath (at the age of 20) that I would never enter another clinic again.

But, three days after leaving that clinic, I began to hemorrhage and I ended up in the emergency room. When I arrived they asked me what was wrong. I told them that I had had an abortion three days earlier and that, although it was a simple medical procedure, the bleeding wouldn't stop. I told them that I had had other abortions and that this had never happened before. The nurse asked me, "Well, how many abortions have you had?" I told her this was my fifth. They ran some tests only to determine that the baby hadn't been completely removed, and that I was going to need a D&C. I turned toward the nurse who had just given me the news and said to her, "What baby are you talking about? This was just a blob of tissue! You know, a fetus!" She immediately realized what she had said and started to change her verbiage to the medical terminology.

But it was already too late! At that moment, I realized for the first time what had really happened and why the last 4 ½ years were so void in my life. Suddenly it all made sense. All the missing pieces of my life brought about by this "Choice" were finally starting to reveal the truth. My depression, my desire to die, my "missing something" but not knowing what that "something" was. At that moment, Choice was exposed, and I realized that I had been given the legal right to end the lives of my babies! Through this revelation my life hit rock bottom, and the few solid pieces that were left seemed to be crumbling into dust. In this state of mind, I turned to suicide as my solution once again. I figured no one would miss me. I thought I really hadn't contributed anything to society other than five dead babies, who (if given the opportunity) would never forgive me for the Choice I made about their lives. I left the hospital that morning and walked all the way home. It was truly the longest walk of my life! I wondered the entire way home how I managed to make such a mess of my life.

That abortion, along with the four previous abortions, started a lifelong journey of many unanswered questions. Questions like:

• Am I the only one who knows the truth?
• If this is really true, why aren't people talking about it?
• Who can I ask?
• Am I alone, or do others question this "Choice"?
• Why are they saying that this "Choice" protects women?
• Why aren't women accurately informed about what "Choice" really means?
• Why do they say it's between a doctor and his patient if women never talk to the doctor at all?

This journey back to the truth has been painful, but I have learned many things. As a post-abortive woman, both Pro-Choice and Pro-Life advocates have looked at me as a failure. Pro-Choice wants me to be silent on this issue because abortion is a trillion dollar business. If women like me start talking maybe some people will change their minds and abortion will be exposed and viewed differently. Some Pro-Lifers believe I deserve to live with the pain of the truth. From the time of my first abortion to when the healing finally started taking place, nineteen years were lost. Before I could embrace the truth, I had to deal with the years of guilt, shame, anger, regret, depression, endless crying episodes, remorse, temper explosions, drug and alcohol abuse, and dysfunctional relationships with men and women.

My journey toward truth has become a lifelong quest, if you will. In this quest for truth I have come to the most horrifying realization: I was given the legal right to end the lives of my five children. Words will never express the pain of not knowing who they would have become. Time has passed. Many years have gone by. When I look in the mirror I don't see as many regrets any more. Finally, I can see new beginnings, along with some wrinkles and gray hair. Time has healed the wounds and has given me great courage. I tell my story often, and I find strength in breaking the silence day after day. I have shared my regret with tens of thousands who have experienced the same pain.

I now understand the greatest revelation: My children's deaths were not in vain. Today, the pain their death once caused is giving others the strength to accept forgiveness and the freedom to embrace life and live again. I truly believe that my experiences are not to be shrouded in silence and secrecy. Many have tried to debate the abortion issue with me, and have been silenced by the powerful facts, by the consequences abortion leaves behind. I am tired of the opinions, debates, and theories!